Jokes Duniya

A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -“Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, ‘Windy, isn’t it?‘ No, ‘the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ The third man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have a beer.’

A 60 year old woman was walking along when she heard a voice from above “You will live to be 100.”

She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard, “You will live to be 100.”

Oh! she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I’ve got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon.

She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon’s office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.

She said to God, “You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?”.

God said, “I didn’t recognize you”.