Jokes Duniya

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench close by begins to ring with a deafening and highly irritating Rap Tune. Someone screams, “Turn that thing off before I throw it in the shower room!”

The man nearest to the phone reaches over. He engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello?”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes, I am.”
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One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord of river appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angeline Jolie “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is not true!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Angelina Jolie , you would have come up with Cameroon Diaz . Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes to Angelina Jolie .”

A kleptomaniac ( someone who likes to steal) woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.

“This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?”
The woman agreed.

“Then I sentence you to six nights in jail.”

The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, “Your honor, may I approach the bench?”

“Well,” said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench.”

The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he whispered, “She also stole a can of peas.”

A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my attractive, seductive body?’

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor.’

At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.



She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”