Manager: “Do you know anything about this fax-machine?”
Staff: “A little. What’s wrong sir?”
Manager: “Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.”
Staff: “How did you load the sheet?”
Manager: “I didn’t want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it.”
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
What these words on yearly performance reviews really mean:
OUTGOING PERSONALITY – Always going out of the office
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS – Spends lots of time on phone
ACTIVE SOCIALLY – Drinks a lot
INDEPENDENT WORKER – Nobody knows what he/she does
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY – Too ugly to get a date
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS – Gets someone else to do it
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES – Is tall or has a louder voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT – Lucky
CAREER MINDED – Back stabber
LOYAL – Can’t get a job anywhere else
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION – Gets to work on time
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL – Speaks English
RELAXED ATTITUDE – Sleeps at desk
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years…..
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