A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.
A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”
Man asked God how much is the value of $100 million to you.
God : Its about 1 cent for me.
Man : God how long is 100 years for you.
God : Its about 1 second for me.
Man : God why don’t you give me $100 million its only 1 cent for you.
God : Sure but can you wait 1 second.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear!
Girl: Would you die for me ?
Boy: No, mine is Undying Love!
Two girls are talking about their future husband. One is telling that she will marry An archeologist. Second girl asked why?
She told, “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have.The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “Will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?”
The father thinks for a moment and then says, “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” the boy says.
“Why Osama ,” his father asks in disbelief.
“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d jump with joy. And then he’d go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”
Father’s heart swells and he looks at his son with new found pride and joy.
“David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” David says, “And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him.”
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