Night clubs
One friend is telling to another friend “Always I have seen you have taken your wife only Night Cubs, why?”
The friend replied, “By the times she gets ready, no other places are open.”
Submitted by: sohela mahmood
To Celebrate His Wife Leaving
A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
“There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened up further.
The needle hit 90, 100…..Then the reality of the situation hit him.
Submitted by: -Selvy-
Deep hole
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.
“Wow…that looks deep.”
“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.
“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.“
They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait… and wait. Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, “Hey…over here in the weeds, there’s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it’s GOTTA make some noise.”
The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it’s legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they’ve just seen…
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. “Hey… you two guys seen my goat out here?” “You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”
“Nah”, says the farmer, “That couldn’t have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.”
Transfering the pain
A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.
Don’t believe in genie
A couple was golfing one day on a Very Exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball, do not knock out any windows. It will cost us a fortune to fix.”
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let’s go up there, apologize and see how much it’s going to cost us.”
They walked up and knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”
When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke the window?”
“Uh yeah, sorry about that” the husband replied.
“No, actually I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You have released me. I am allowed to grant three wishes – I will give you each one wish, and I will keep the last one for myself.” the genie said.
“OK” the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem-it is the least I can do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said looking at the wife.
“I want a house in every country of the world” she said.
“Consider it done.” the genie said.
“And what is your wish, genie?” the husband said, “Well, since I have not had love with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.”
The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I would not mind.”
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was all over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, “How old is your husband anyway?”
“35″ she said.
“Really? And he still believes in genies !!!!!!!!!
Submitted by: JATIN GALA
