A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”.
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, She wants her sign back!”
What these words on yearly performance reviews really mean:
OUTGOING PERSONALITY – Always going out of the office
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS – Spends lots of time on phone
ACTIVE SOCIALLY – Drinks a lot
INDEPENDENT WORKER – Nobody knows what he/she does
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY – Too ugly to get a date
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS – Gets someone else to do it
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES – Is tall or has a louder voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT – Lucky
CAREER MINDED – Back stabber
LOYAL – Can’t get a job anywhere else
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION – Gets to work on time
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL – Speaks English
RELAXED ATTITUDE – Sleeps at desk
Employee: Sir aap meri salary bada dijiye, meri shaadi ho gayi hai.
Boss: Factory ke bahar hone wale dur-ghatna ke liye factory jimmedar nahi hoti.
When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you’re a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it ‘s because he’s overworked.
Marketting strategies explained more!!
1. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour
her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and
then say:”By the way, I’m rich. Will you
“Marry Me?” – That’s Public Relations… “
2. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says:”You are very rich!
“Can you marry ! me?” – That’s Brand Recognition. ..”
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you
a nice hard slap on your face. – “That’s Customer Feedback…”
4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she
introduces you to her husband. – “That’s demand and supply gap…”
5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say anything, another person come
and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she
goes with him – “That’s competition eating into your market share…”
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your
wife arrives. – “That’s restriction for entering new markets…”
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