10 Rules For Getting Guaranteed Promotion Without Any Hard Work
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hand look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss – and you *will* get caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answers your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there – it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the Office Late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours
(e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT!!!:
DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
- Comments(29)|
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February 2nd, 2007 at 11:33 am
Pawan, U R rocking… and keep continuing….Best of Luck for Your new Website.
February 2nd, 2007 at 11:42 am
very very funny ….it’s …so.. so nice
“ALL THE BEST” For Your New Website
February 2nd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
This is so funny and so nice. Everybody should enjoy and use this site. “BEST OF LUCK” for your new good job.
February 2nd, 2007 at 6:31 pm
hey pawan its great yaar
tu tu cha gaya hai
greets 4 new website
February 2nd, 2007 at 6:55 pm
fantastik yarrr
February 2nd, 2007 at 7:18 pm
seems gr8 man … keep it up !
February 2nd, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Hi pawan ur website is very good
best of lukh
haste rahu aur hame bhi hasate raho
bye
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am
Hi Pawan. What a Joke! its sometimes real. People do it. But I don’t do it. Thanks 4 the joke. Kepp it up!!!
February 6th, 2007 at 11:11 am
hi pawan, its really nice joke….keep it up dude.best of luck for ur new site.
February 6th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Dear Pawan,
Very funny and very true. Keep us the good work.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
just got through my headdddd………….don;t got dis?
February 7th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
its fabulous and our spirits are charged keep it up!
February 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Hey Pawan!!!!!!! very gggggggguuuuuuuuuudddddddddd Joke.keep it up& GUD LUCK***********
February 13th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
hi,pawan this is gud joke.
November 27th, 2007 at 5:22 am
Please read but don’t follow coz this might give you unworthy promotion.Corruption starts this way !!!
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:23 pm
quite impressive,
May 7th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
No comments.
June 17th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
It is very good
June 19th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Hi
This is a great effort. Keep up.,…..
June 19th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Really So fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuny,
And it is reality also in Zelu Industries.
Keep It Up
June 20th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Hey Pawan! Seems like u r gonna change the world of Jokes with all ur new and extraordninary ones. Keep it up yaar. Tum Sachmuch kamal kar rahe ho. Aisi khurak dete jaoge to log kabhi retire nahi honge
June 20th, 2008 at 11:08 am
now this is called the coooooooooolllllllllll one….
awesome …keep it up
November 12th, 2008 at 3:24 am
hey i don’t how re u but this is so kool and it’s rocking best of luck:)
June 1st, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Good jokes.
September 30th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
superb wat a creativity yaar…….
October 21st, 2010 at 3:35 pm
really it is a good message. But think about wehen an employee becomes boss by knowing all these things.
Dr M S Kaurav
November 26th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
really it is a good message. But think about when an employee becomes boss by knowing all these things.
Dr M S Kaurav
May 23rd, 2012 at 1:41 pm
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November 3rd, 2014 at 7:11 pm
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